Kitai
by ChibiVampirePanda
Summary: It was astounding how much she wanted to keep from the Knight. Suzaku X OC Rated T for language and other things. Rating may go up.


_Chibi: It's amazing how one can get inspiration from a single word and some really good Nightcore music. This is, by the way, my first Code Geass fic, and a pretty turbulent one at that. Probably the most serious thing I've ever written. Enjoy. (It might not stay serious for long….)_

_On With The Show~!_

…

There was that look of utter desperation on Suzaku's face that made me want to cry. It hadn't even been a full day since Euphemia's –my own sister's- death and her Knight looked so lost. The man looked as though the entire world had just been yanked from him, and I knew that. I knew he loved Euphemia, maybe not like I had, but still. She was a pure being and meant everything to Suzaku.

Poor Suzaku Kururugi.

"Suzaku….."

"Cereza, why aren't you crying?" It was the defeated tone in his voice that really made me want to cry. I had wanted to weep at those words, but instead Suzaku wept in my place. He wept vigorously and with no end in sight. I didn't have the tears to cry because he had already used them up.

"You're the one who's been crying ever since she flat lined Suzaku. I would cry, I really would, but I don't think it's possible for me right now."

That was an undeniable truth.

"….She worked so hard….she was just trying to help…"

I took a seat next to the mourning Knight and wrapped my arms around him comfortingly. It was a friendly gesture, one that said I would let him cry on my shoulder if he needed it. Suzaku seemed to get the meaning and returned the embrace, burying his face into the side of my neck and letting out a sob that broke my heart even more. True, I did miss my younger sister now, and I knew it was Lelouch who took her life, but in a way (and this sickened me to my very soul) I was glad Euphie was dead. I was envious that she had someone as wonderful as Suzaku to love her. I was jealous that she had Suzaku period. I loved the weeping man dearly, more than an old childhood friend who once said that all he would ever be to me was a brother, and I wished so much that he had fallen for me instead of her.

Kind of odd that the person I both hated and loved took something truly important from me without meaning to.

"Suzaku, are you going to be alright?"

There was silence in the air that hung like Christmas lights. It was a very pregnant, but when he answered, the silence shattered like glass.

"He's going to pay for this."

"Suzak-"

"No!" The brunette tore himself away and stood angrily, tears still trekking down his cheeks furiously. Suzaku looked like a madman now rather than someone who was broken. "HE IS GOING TO PAY FOR KILLING PRINCESS EUPHEMIA."

"Stop!"

A sharp crack followed, and I couldn't help but gape at the act that I had just commited.

Suzaku stood frozen, his cheek swelling and turning an angry red color. My hand was still poised by my waist and I trembled softly. "Stop. Please… Suzaku…."

Tears pricked the edge of my eyes and I felt every pain make its way to the surface, breaking free and trailing down in the shape of saline drops.

"Reza….."

"You're scaring me, Suzaku. I don't like seeing you like this. First with all those tears and sobs and….. and….. and now you're just scaring me with all this anger. I really don't like seeing you like this!" I cried out at him before turning and running away, ignoring the cry of my name and a few surprised squeals from the other students. Yes, I had just bitch slapped the only person in the world who I currently cared about in a more than friendly way and ran away. It was cowardly, but now I just needed the space from him.

-LATER-

"-And he is just a complete and total idiot Lelouch! I don't see how I could have ever fallen for someone as serious and stupid and totally oblivious as Suzaku Kururugi!" I finished screeching and collapsed, pressing my face against the pillow as Lelouch rubbed my back comfortingly. My brother always knew how to calm me down, and at this moment he was the best person in the world to be around. Of course, being twins made me want to be around him even more. We shared the same hair and eyes, even the same pale skin (mine was tanner from spending so much time walking around in the sunlight and swimming with Shirley.) and sure enough, we shared the same comforting habits. He cried, I rubbed his back and listened to his woes. I cried, and he returned the favor. It was an endless cycle and we both liked it that way.

Yes. Lelouch can cry.

Get over it.

"He's just upset about Euphemia…."

"And the part about killing you?" I peeked at my other half shyly, not bothering to disguise the concern in my voice. I knew he was Zero, and that never stopped me from supporting and worrying over Lelouch's wellbeing.

"I'll work it into my plans somehow."

"You always do."

Again, silence filled the air.

"What do you want to do about Suzaku, Cereza?"

"…Let him think things out and possibly get over himself a bit. I hope Lloyd dismisses him from Lancelot duties for a while."

"You amaze me sometimes." Lelouch chuckled and then left the room, leaving me to think on my own and try to figure out how to apologize for slapping the idiot. Maybe he'd like a little chew toy for Arthur…

'_knock'_

'_KNOCK'_

"There is no way that's a bird." I grumbled and sat up, glaring at the window. Suzaku's face was behind it, serious as ever and his cheek was still bright red. I stood and stalked, making no sound as my socks landed against the plush carpet. I paused in front of the window and unlatched it slowly, knowing the regret would eat me out later on. "What the fuck do you want?"

Seeing him flinch let my anger simmer down a bit and I sighed. "Get in here before you fall and break your neck, doofus."

"So you're still upset?"

"Upset? Nah. I'm pissed that it took a slap to calm one of my best friends down. Lord only knows how far hugs can go in a state of war." Suzaku crawled inside with a frown and stood only to dust off his clothes before jumping over and onto my bed. He was just like a rabbit sometimes.

Good thing I preferred butterflies.

I walked over and sat next to him, fiddling with my skirt. I absolutely hated the female uniform of Ashford, so I took a spare uniform top of my brother's and put it with my favorite skirt, which was black and pleated. I had discarded the jacket earlier and was just in a slightly transparent white button up, plus the skirt of course. My socks were black and thigh high, doing well to cover the scar on my right calf.

"Suzaku, I swear that if I didn't love you as much as I do right now, I'd think of you as the biggest idiot in the world." Said brunette sighed and tugged me down into the circle of his arms. Ding! Another bad habit was that I used to sneak into Suzaku's room as a kid and we'd cuddle all night. "Are you trying to apologize for your earlier outburst Suzie-kins?"

Suzaku merely chuckled and embraced me tighter, allowing my body to mold against his comfortingly. He pressed his lips against my temple just barely, and I relaxed. I just melted right there and wanted to stay like this.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"You know, this doesn't really fix everything Reza. Sooner or later Zero is going to have to pay up for all the horrible things he's done to everyone." I sighed and curled more into the embrace.

"Can we change the subject? Zero isn't exactly the thing I feel like talking about right now." I mumbled, pushing my face against Suzaku's shoulder and nudging back onto the fluffed comforter. He returned the sigh and we stayed like that, laying together for a few minutes.

'_This is usually the part where the jealous girl makes a move on the brokenhearted male.'_

That thought surfaced and I fought against the shudder of disgust that filled me. I couldn't make any move on Suzaku. I just couldn't.

But the shudder happened anyway as I considered just kissing his cheek in thanks for the apology.

"Are you cold?"

"N-No!" I stuttered, burying myself against his chest to try and block out my stupid hormone ridden thoughts. I was an idiot.

A pure idiot.

"Well maybe you're tired or something. You were crying earlier after all….."

"Not that either…."

"So what is it?"

FUCK.

I needed to change the subject!

"…..Kitai!"

Suzaku froze and I had to restrain the urge to look at him.

"Yoriyoi nanika o negatte imasu." I mumbled, blushing.

It would be better if he never knew about those awful yet wonderful things in my mind and heart.


End file.
